Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
