false alarm. still invincible.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
