i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
