I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
