I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
