Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
