If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
