Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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