onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
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