haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize