Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
