C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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