Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
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