you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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