Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
