This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
