i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
