And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
