Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
