i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
