Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
