how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
