If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
a search helicopter?!
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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