don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
