my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
