I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
