she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
