WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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