I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
