He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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