i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
