I just pynch a tree in the face
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
