mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
