My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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