I am puke
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
