why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
