If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
