It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
she peed on how many people?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize