Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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