Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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