My room smells like vodka and shame
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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