i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize