Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
