just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
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