Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
