she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
