I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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