You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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