Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
