i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
tell me about the eggs
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
