I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
