Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
