Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
