This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
