just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
