He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I touched a dick in church today
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
