I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
