sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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