onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
