I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
You ruined the universe
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
