He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
