I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
