I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
how do you play pong handcuffed?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
