i may or may not be watching the land before time
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
