break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
