My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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