Your dad touched me again.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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