I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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