You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
