i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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