someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
