Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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