Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize