hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
People in love make me want to vomit
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
