I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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