My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
